i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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