you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
