Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
