Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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