Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
