walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
