well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
