I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
