No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
