there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
