I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Two words: nipple clamps
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