My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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