I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
be right there i have to get my cape
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
