WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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