It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
