so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
