How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
