He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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