I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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