They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
