if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
