remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you repeat that, but with context?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
