Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
