I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
