well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
