alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
And then he peed in my hair
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