I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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