I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
