I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
