look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So squirting runs in the family.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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