If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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