am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
