her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
