If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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