stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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