I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FUCK WHALES
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
