Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
