Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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