Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
