i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
