I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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