I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
