How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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