wanna go halves on a baby?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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