i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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