So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
