I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
