a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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