my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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