WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
