Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
