I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Randomize
