Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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