he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
