I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
